Warmth

Warmth.
That how I remember him best.

Cuddling up behind me in the morning, making sure I am awake before he snuggles. I would giggle and pull his arm across to my stomach, he would move closer and wed cuddle.
His face on my cheek, I could feel him smiling even without looking. I did not need to look, I could feel it.
Everything feels cold without him, he warmed up the day with his charming smile, he made my nights fun, and he'd treat me like a princess all the time.
Whenever we hugged there was this extra electricity, whenever he looked at me there was falls of love damping me, and whenever he held my hand it drills happiness into me.
We would linger, there was always something in the air, a warmness. It was just him and nothing else mattered.
He was warm, and there was that thing that happened whenever we embraced, I could feel it through my skin.

And since he left, I feel there is the distinct absence of these things. The coldness gathered me, I felt the sun going down. Taking the warmth away from me.

And all I could suffice was this longing feeling that soon, soon enough, winter will pass and summer shall come.

Sometimes we have to not do what we want, but instead what we must. We must do what is right over our own selfish, human desires. This is one of those times, and God it hurts.
I know however, that we will be okay. I believe in love, I must.
I want you to know that you are my home, even if our physical bodies are separated by oceans, you are and always will be my home, and my heart will be your's. There will be no where else.
With each passing moment, a day ticks by and closer comes the day, and in the rush of thoughts I can hardly attain myself for the days to come.I laugh at the mutual appreciation for the ironies and paradoxes found in the universe.
I laugh.
But I haven't convinced myself to calm down, to attain myself for the days to come.

Dreams to Keep

I want to grab your waist with both my hands holding onto your side, slowly pushing my body close to yours. I want to take one hand and slowly brush your hair with my fingers running across your face while you give me a stare. I look at you and give you a smile, as we stare into each other's eyes. I ask you to stay for the night. I lean closer and closer to you, and remember how much I missed this. Gently place my body over yours and close my eyes slowly while you wrap my legs around your waist. Gently push and let the tip our lips touch. I breath lightly over you with a warm breath, you close your eyes and I kiss your forehead. You grab me and press your lips onto mine and I slowly kiss you, deeply.
There goes the alarm, I wake up with a smile on my face.

Saudade

When you lose someone close, you never recover. Instead you learn to incorporate their absence and memory into your life. And channel your emotional energy towards others, and eventually your grief will walk beside you. Instead of consuming you.
Its amazing the things you realize when you lose someone. You get mad at yourself for the things you didn't do. The things you didn't say. The amount of time you spent with them are too less to suffice for the time without them. Anyone can be taken, at anytime of our lives, but we always wait until they are gone to say the things we never had courage before.
Its like losing a limb, you are always aware of what you have lost, and what you had. You don't know the feeling as long as you haven't lost someone close to you, you cant even feel a silver of how much sorrow you get hit with.
You don't really remember how it felt to be with them as days pass. But you always remember how good you felt.
If only we remembered everyday, that we could lose someone at any moment, we would love them more fiercely and freely. Without fear, not because there is nothing to lose, but because everything, can always, be lost.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory, no one can steal.

Prose

I don't want him for an hour, or just on the phone. 

over hushed voices and sleepy conversation.

I don't want him in a letter.

Multiple words sprawled onto paper expressing emotion.

I want him indefinitely. 

I want him on my worst days,

And the best.

I want him here with me,

But, for now, I'll cherish the yawns,

Whispered "I love you's" over the phone.

And I'll reread your letters,

Over and over,

On days that I miss you the most.

And I'll wait for the day that he will be here with me, 

Indefinitely.